#like they both show AND tell and really mean it

[tommyssupercoolblog]

OKAY here's what I thought of for my source:

Argued that consentual cannibalism is bad by just repeating "it's gross" which is not a valid argument and shows that he is not very good at questioning things and actually examining something before deciding the morality of it. Which is. VERY BAD. Shakes him by the shoulders PEOPLE IN THE PAST THOUGHT THEY WERE MORALLY JUSTIFIED. "IT'S BAD" IS NOT AN EXPLANATION USE YOUR BRAINNNNN DON'T JUST REPEAT WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU, YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN ACTUAL ARGUMENT AS TO WHYYYYYY IT IS HARMFUL YOU CAN'T JUST SAY GROSS AND BAD!!!!! WITH THAT MINDSET YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLICIT IN HOMOPHOBIA IF YOU WEREN'T BORN IN THE 2000S AND DIDN'T HAVE ACCEPTING PEOPLE AROUND YOU TO EXPLAIN THAT IT'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!! USE YOUR BRAIN BY YOURSELFDFD PLEASE GOD EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO MAKE YOURN OWN DECISIONS AND DON'T LET PEOPLE THINK FOR YOU HOLY SHIT. Bro also didn't even notice one of his editors was using AI and found out from his audience, and he only even knew it was bad because his girlfriend at the time told him. He's just....not very keen on analysis or philosophy which is, for the record, a great way to do or say something heinous and is a terrible, terrible thing to neglect. You don't have to ENJOY IT and do it for FUN but you need to be able to ask questions and train yourself to think independently, and my source.....does not do that as often as he should. Like come on bro don't base your code of ethics and opinions on controversial issues on what the people you like told you, at least understand WHY they think that and don't just go "it's bad. Why? Because....uh..... it's bad" like BRO

This might be just self inflicted, but if he applies it to other people, it'd mean he thinks you need to both date AND have sex with all the genders you think you like to be "sure" you're the sexuality you are. He's bicurious and insists that until he has a boyfriend and has gay sex, he can't be SURE that he's bisexual. Which is. High key bullshit but for all I know maybe that's only a standard he has for himself for like repression reasons??? Idk tho. It's hard to tell if this is a principle he applies to everyone, or just himself.

And then everything else I can think of isn't a personality flaw or anything it's just something he's bad at, like, something that could be influenced by conditions he has and that isn't conscious. Like not being able to read a room, which is just....yeah he's dense AF but that's not a lack of effort or growth on his part that's just that his brain doesn't really do social cues. A lack of Impulse control and not being good at filtering his speech either is another one that could just be the way his brain is built, and not a conscious decision to throw caution to the wind. Idk. So I'm not listing them.

new tumblr game. put in the tags a GENUINE flaw your fav(s) has. cant be something like "too kind" or "loves too much" like something genuinely bad messed up morally wrong they are or have done

[the-tarot-witch22]

Messages from the universe - Pick a pile

Pile 1 / Pile 2

My Paid Readings | My insta | My Monthly Goal Post | Paid Reading Feedbacks! | Pac Masterlist!

Liked my blog or readings? Tip me!

Hello everyone ! It's been a while isn't it! So, this is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!

I worked really hard on this pac please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

Pile 1

(The cards I got for you - knight of pentacles, the star, the hermit, justice)

Okay so first of all so major arcanas for you guys, trust me something life changing will be happening for you, it could be a major transition period, for some of you I am feeling you guys lost someone close to you? And you haven't been yourself for a while now, you feel lost? almost as if things aren't going your way atleast for now, I also feel the energy almost as if you are emotionally exhuasted. Anyhow let's dive deeper into your reading, okay loves, first of all universe wants you to be patient, this group is almost impulsive, or rather act on instinct or just without thinking, universe is saying "patience my child", i am also seeing you all or many of you try to manifest and when it doesn't work in try, you are like "why me?", "why must i suffer"? universe right now is dragging your ass out, that all you have to is listen trust me and you dont do that and you blame me back!? Damn it I am also feeling that universe wants you to focus yourself on your career or invest in your hobbies, and also look with in instead of distracting yourself with outer things, even if its uncomfortable more like "feel the feelings", I am also feeling that something about learning lessons, you dont have to go through one thing again and again, you can learn, but some of you guys here are stubborn, and don't see it that way, also i got a message that "no dont go back to your situationship", let's move forward and deeper into your reading, I am seeing and feeling that most of you guys here are intuitive , and do tarot/astro, universe is telling you to hone your skills, I am also feeling that the storm you are facing and faced in your life WILL NOT last forever, I am seeing and hearing you guys need a vacation or just some alone time for yourself, or maybe even open up about your feelings to people around you or close to you, no you won't be judged, there is hope guys, you are not alone, but again the message with pour the love you give outside to within you, you dont need external validation you are you are doing okay, its almost like universe is gently patting you on head, like our child you are enough, I am also seeing that some of you guys need to stand up for yourself you guys can stand up for others but themselves, so change that, you guys are truly embodient of balanced energy, but a small thing can rattle you, I am hearing "keep living, it does get better", universe is being very straightforward with you that you need to keep going, and not give up.

These are all the messages I have gotten for you my loves, hope it resonates and makes sense!

Signs - If you are a libra/Sagittarius/Leo/Taurus - Sun/moon/rising, and if you are wearing yellow/white/black/pink/blue tshirt/hoodie/sweatshirt, or i am seeing some of you guys lying, almost sleepy or like phone will fall on your face, if you might be near a charging port or refrigerator, or some of you could be drinking water.

pile 2

(The cards I got for you - ace of wands, 6 of pentacles , knight of pentacles, tower, 10 of wands)

Okay so the very first thing I feel and heard is "let your creativity shine", this pile might be very into artsy stuff, or enjoy the smaller art or moments in life, I am also seeing this group as who is most often percieved as "attractive to others" even if you don't see it yourself, you guys this pile had me, because I see you all go through you numerous amount of backstabbing or family issues, but still i see you, universe is proud of you my loves they will reward you too, and very soon! Okay so let's dive into your reading, so i am seeing and hearing that universe wants to say that, you guys need to apply for the jobs/colleges or even new type of hobbies, that you move, and be passionate about, I am seeing lots of procastination here, so don't actually do something even if its reading a book, it's like make the effort, the energy here is truly lazy ngl, hehe, so moving forward, I am seeing you will be the given a chance to work on a project soon, take that and you will shine, it will be kind of new opportunity for you, which you should take, I also am getting the message to wear what you want some of you could feel self conscious, but i am seeing you want that dress? wear that, step into your power, I am also feeling that you guys should might come across people from past, its upto you if you wanna talk to them or not. I am also feeling that you should help when you can small charity and donation, whatever you wish, and say you are grateful, i know it's cliche but small things like this truly help a lot, you might even start a new job soon, but be careful of the mental and emotional pressure, I am also feeling that, you guys need to rest just for a bit, not procastinating but actually breathe and journal, meditate, I am feeling universe is gonna send you a future partner soon/ or you may have already met them, anyhow! universe is telling you almost some of you might have gone through emotional upheavel or even harsh circumstances weeks/months ago, but don't worry you are gonna get back on track, you are again gonna feel better, you are not stuck you are just human, I also feel all of your stagnant work will be successful! "You are strong, but don't bear all the burdens alone", you don't have to, you dont have to pretend you are okay, cry it out, dance, heal, grow, and use your magic to build something for yourself!

So, that's it pile 2 hope you enjoyed!

Signs - If you are a aries/ saggitarius/virgo/capricorn/gemini - Sun/moon/rising, and if you are wearing tank top, striped tshirt, black/white/dark blue/printed, or some of you could be in car/or your dining room/kitchen while you see this.

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[nadvs]

ok so yk how in power play they’re gonna be apart for a while or atleast not see eachother everyday… phone sex blurb??🫠🫠🫠

like he initiates it and she doesn’t understand at first and then he guides her thru urgghhh i love them sm😭

ohhh you ATE with this idea 😌 blurb set in the power play series. FILTHY smut and lots of dirty talk. 18+!

Rafe’s deep voice buzzes through your phone as your head rests on your pillow, your bedroom plunged in darkness.

He’s telling you about his day as you play with a loose string on your pillowcase. You talk to your boyfriend every night, but no amount of calls can fill the emptiness sitting in your chest from how much you miss him.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the school year ended, and it’s been surprisingly hard to schedule time to see each other in person. You’re glad that at least you can talk like this.

“So, you had fun today, huh?” he murmurs. “I liked those pictures.”

You think back to all the photos you’d sent him from your day at the beach with your friends, mostly scenery, some shots of you in the car and on the sand.

“Wasn’t that sunset so pretty?” you say.

You hear Rafe breathe a chuckle on the other end.

“What?” you laugh. “It was.”

“Yeah, sure,” he replies. “I wasn’t really looking at that.”

“What do you mean?”

He chuckles again, staring up at the ceiling from his bedroom two hundred miles away, able to clearly picture the curious look he knows is on your face.

“I was looking at you.”

You smile to yourself in the dark.

“Really?”

“I don’t get you,” he says with a resigned sigh. “You still don’t see how fucking hot you are.”

His words make your muscles loosen, warmth filling you.

“You think I looked hot?” you say.

“Baby,” he breathes. “That one of you by the water? I got so hard just lookin’ at it.”

The warmth grows hotter and you bite your lip as you imagine how big and strong and good he looks naked, how much it spurs you on to feel his growing cock pressed against you when all you’ve done is share a couple of innocent kisses.

Thinking about it, about him being turned on from so far away with no chance of doing something about it makes the sexual frustration you’ve been feeling even worse.

“I really, really wish you were here,” you tell him, your voice dripping with longing.

Rafe smirks. After your first time together, you two were at it nonstop, the knowledge that soon you’d both be moving off of campus hanging over you.

As expected, it wasn’t enough. He craves you every hour, minute, second.

Heat pools deep in his stomach as he thinks yet again about how you looked in your photos, how much skin you were showing, how if he was there with you, he would last seconds before rushing to find a place to get you alone.

“Pretend I am,” he rasps.

“What?”

Rafe veins tighten with anticipation.

“What would happen if I was in your bed right now?”

Your core coils, breath hitching as you feel the tone of the conversation sink into something deeper, more intense.

“You know what would happen,” you say with a soft, shy chuckle, enticement and arousal tangling together deep within you.

“You nervous, baby?” Rafe teases, the smile in his voice apparent.

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“You want me to tell you how?”

“Yeah,” you breathe.

“Put your hand under your shirt,” he instructs. “You wearing a bra?”

“No.”

The simple, monosyllabic answer makes his cock press against his boxers, already so hard it hurts.

“Damn,” he exhales, strained. “Alright. Tell me how it feels.”

You palm at your chest, squeezing and pinching, shutting your eyes as you imagine him with you, doing it instead.

“Soft. Warm,” you say quietly. You swallow before you speak again. “My nipples are hard.”

Rafe can’t control himself. He lowers his hand, palming himself over his shorts, thinking about how much he loves to get your chest wet with his kisses.

“I miss sucking them so much,” he rasps.

Every inch of you tenses up with arousal, but your mind loosens, sinking into comfort as you slowly buck your hips.

“You’d be doing that if you were here,” you say, then let out a groan of frustration. “Your hands are so much bigger than mine. I can’t even pretend it’s you. I can’t touch myself the way you can.”

“That’s so fucking hot,” he breathes. “You like it when I play with your tits?”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

“You like when I get rough?” he provokes you. “Squeeze hard. The way I do.”

He can tell by the way your breath hitches that you obey.

“Good girl,” slips out of his mouth, and it makes your head spin with euphoria. “That feel nice?”

“Yes.” You swallow, your throat dry, picturing him in his bed, touching himself. “Is your hand…”

“Is my hand where?” Rafe teases, wanting to hear you say it. “Don’t be shy.”

“On your cock,” you finish your sentence, nerves radiating through you.

“Fuck, I love hearing you talk like that.”

It spurs confidence in you, a reminder of how much you get to him, of how much power you have over him.

“Answer me,” you whisper. “Is it?”

“Over my shorts,” he replies. “I’d do anything to be inside you right now. Tell me how wet you are.”

Your hand drags down your body, into your panties, your fingers pressing over your heat.

“I want you here so bad,” you shudder. “I feel like I’m dripping.”

He groans and scrambles to finally push his hand into his boxers, gripping the head of his cock, precome already dribbled out.

“I’d look at you while I do it,” he murmurs. “Like I always do.”

You picture it, his habit of locking eyes with you right as he’s pushing into you. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you trace circles over your clit, letting out soft moans that start to slowly get breathier.

“You getting close?”

“Yes,” you say, your grip growing harder. “I’m so wet my hand is slipping.”

Rafe rolls his eyes back in need, in anguish, in such painful desire. He strokes himself faster, imagining how hard he’d be pounding into you if he could.

“Fuck, baby, you’re good at this,” he whispers.

The praise makes you feel like you’re floating as the knot in your stomach tightens.

“Say my name when you come,” he tells you, drunk on the idea of being responsible for the orgasm that’s about to rush through you.

You listen to Rafe’s instructions, your voice shuddering and breathy as you whisper his name, pleasure zipping through every nerve.

He comes seconds later, the groan on the other end of the phone making goosebumps prick your skin.

His hot come covers his hand, rubbing until he’s too stimulated, eyes squeezed shut as he listens to the sound of your heavy, relieved breaths.

It takes a moment to tumble down from the high, both of you gasping, elated.

“I miss you so damn much,” he tells you, sweat glistening over his skin, his hair sticking to his forehead.

“Me, too,” you whisper through your shallow breaths. “What am I supposed to do? Cuddle myself now?”

Rafe chuckles tiredly, the lack of you cutting through him.

“Fall asleep on the phone with me,” he tells you. “It’s the closest we can get.”

And you do, satisfied, telling yourself every sleep is one day closer to seeing him again.

[dragoneyelashart]

Billie and reader’s daughter gets a tattoo and piercing behind her mothers’ backs

you’re standing in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, stirring the pot on the stove as steam curls up into your face and the scent of garlic and rosemary fills the air. music hums low from the speaker, something soft, something that doesn’t distract but keeps you company. it’s peaceful, the kind of moment that feels earned.

the front door creaks open. you glance toward the hallway and call out, “hey my loves! you two are late.”

there’s a beat of silence, too long, and then muffled whispers, the shuffle of feet, and a hushed, frantic:

“don’t tell mom i let you do it.”

“i won’t if you don’t tell her you did it too!”

your brows lift. you set the spoon down slowly, wiping your hands on the towel slung over your shoulder. “what... exactly... aren’t we telling mom?”

your daughter appears first, sheepish, followed closely by billie, who looks like a teenager caught sneaking back in past curfew. they're both trying not to grin, which already tells you everything you need to know. suspicious doesn't even cover it.

“what did you do?” you ask, arms crossing, leaning one hip against the counter. your daughter exchanges a wide-eyed glance with billie, and then finally, defeated, holds out her wrist.

a fresh tattoo. a delicate, shooting star and glinting from down low, a belly button piercing.

“oh my god,” you say, eyes widening.

“she wanted it!” billie pipes up, like that justifies everything. “and i supervised! and i got one too, look!”

she rolls up her sleeve to reveal the same tattoo, matching. then, like she’s trying to distract you with a magic trick, she turns her other arm to show a second one: small, neat cursive. your initials. right above her pulse point.

your mouth opens. then closes. then opens again.

“you—” your voice falters, something in your chest squeezing tight. “you got... my initials?”

billie shrugs, pretending it's nothing, though there’s a proud little smile tugging at her mouth. “yeah. i mean, you’re kind of permanent.”

you blink, heart caught somewhere between furious and utterly melted. you look at your daughter. she’s watching you like she’s ready to bolt if you so much as twitch.

“i’m going to pretend,” you say slowly, voice measured, “that i’m not freaking out. because right now i’m trying to decide if i’m more touched... or more horrified.”

billie snorts. “touched, obviously.”

“billie.”

“y/n.”

you turn to your daughter, narrowing your eyes. “you. grounded. no phone for a week. and don’t even think about going near another tattoo shop until you’re thirty.”

she groans, slouching dramatically. “ugh. but you’re smiling!”

“no, i’m gritting my teeth. there’s a difference.”

with a loud huff, she yanks her phone out of her back pocket and hands it to you like she’s surrendering a piece of her soul. then she stomps off toward her room, muttering something under her breath that you generously choose to ignore.

the door slams upstairs.

a beat passes.

then billie’s arms snake around your waist from behind, her body pressing warm against yours. you feel her lips graze your neck, soft and lingering.

“admit it,” she whispers into your skin. “you’re a little happy.”

you sigh, dramatic, but not really annoyed. 

you try to resist it. try. but you glance at the initials inked on her skin again and feel your stern expression falter, something warm blooming in your chest.

“maybe,” you mutter. “a tiny bit.”

she grins against your shoulder. “knew it.” you swat her playfully with the kitchen towel. “now go set the table before i tattoo ‘grounded for life’ across your forehead.”

taglist: @amara-eilish @bilswifee @iamnicoke @jayjaywetforbils @bittersuitekim @bxllxebxtch @bitchesbrokenpromises @giannaeilish @ijustlovemaths @ilovealiceosemann @bilssturns @peytonglazesbillieeilish | send me an ask or comment to be added to my taglist !

[dammit-tazmuir]

C— kept saying, Pick one. Are we more invested in proving this new plan is bullshit, or in saving you? I was like, It’s both, how can it not be both. C— was like, It can’t be both. Pick one and stick to it. Decide what you give a fuck about.

Spoiler alert, it wasn't both.

But ya know. I'm sure it'll be both this time. The faceless oppression of global capitalism and collective exploitation of billions over the course of centuries was bad and all, I guess, but like, John also hurt people who didn't deserve it, and more importantly, people we the audience personally like, which is way worse than people we don't know.

Obviously we won't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it and are objectively qualified to decide that. Quests for vengeance never have collateral damage if you're morally pure, and John's problem is just that he always sucked. He probably lied about his whole backstory and wasted a quarter of a book, I'm sure Tamsyn would do that to us. Alecto probably, uh, played eeny meeny miney moe or something, she definitely never had a real reason to choose him.

Also sure there's very little misogyny in the empire but sometimes he's dismissive toward Mercy (far more condescending and meaner to everyone including other women, but when she does it she's a girlboss) and he patronizes the babies (definitely because they're women, not because they're babies) so obviously he's just super sexist. Ignore his relationship with his own masculinity, his childhood love for dolls and hatred for older men, his aversion to casting himself as "Father" despite all the Catholicism. Ignore that his original inner circle minus puppets consisted of his childhood bestie, his boyfriend, his boyfriend's inseparable baby brother, his girlfriend, and four other women and no other men. Also being polyamorous definitely means he's running a gross sex cult, that claim isn't anyone's biases showing at all, it's not like it took his partners 500 years to seduce him. Also ignore any and all historical allegations against any of the schools he's attended, I'm sure those details were arbitrary and being in the first paragraph of a book isn't important. It's not like he vents often but avoids directly saying anything that makes him sound weak or vulnerable. And we all know that the world consists only of blameless victims and malicious abusers. So I'm sure he's just power-hungry and manipulative for funsies and we totally just need to murder him already.

Hi can you tell I'm tired.

Anyway yeah it wasn't "both" for him and it would really suck and undermine the entire point if it was magically both now for us.

Obviously he did a lot of shit wrong, and I'm not even saying there's no satisfying way he could be punished or even die, but our girlies just storming the palace and assassinating him ain't it.

Tamsyn Muir: “Here's a series about how a man's vindictiveness dooms the universe, all because his trauma left him incapable of believing in forgiveness over vengeance. As contrast, the protag in the first book reflects something closer to divinity by extending her abuser grace so that she can repent and change, and the protag of the third book begs her brother to not flatten a planet in revenge after having experienced forgiveness.”

too many TLT fans: “yass can't wait for my girlies to kill God!!!”

[justwonder113]

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🎧 Shutting you up mid argument with a kiss - Hyung line edition 🎧

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Maknae Line

📖 Summary:  Basically what the title says 🤭

⚠️ Warnings:  Cursing as always; Arguments; kissing; fluff; angst but nothing too extreme; Suggestive ending at Chan's part. NOT PROOFREAD

🖋️ Author’s Note:  Saw a gif of a man shutting a girl up with a kiss and got inspired so hopefully you'll like it. Will do a reverse version too so stay tuned~

📝 Word Count:  3k

�� Masterlist: | ☕ Ko-fi:

💬Reblogs and comments are truly appreciated—they help more STAYs find my work, and your feedback means a lot to me. ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

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Chan

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To say that you were pissed off would be an understatement. On a broad daylight in front of you this bitch had the nerve to flirt with your boyfriend! Even worse, apart from ignoring your whole damn existence like you meant nothing she made him uncomfortable!  

Like you just wanted to enjoy a peaceful meal, a peaceful evening with your sweet, overworked, always busy boyfriend and instead of that you were now practically seething in your seat while Chan awkwardly but still firmly rejected the girl. 

“Baby you’ve not touched your food in a while. We can go home if you want?” Chan’s concerned voice brought you back from angry and mean things you were thinking about a waitress you were doomed to be served by today. 

 You felt bad. “No...” - You started unsure of what to say. “You wanted to try this place for a while. Let’s just eat okay?  I promise I’m fine.” 

Chan didn’t look convinced.  You saw his eyebrow rise in question but he didn’t say anything and as if sensing  your inner turmoil he started rubbing your hand with his thumb, He hadn’t let go of your hand since you first sat down here. Sometimes it infuriated you how perfect he was. How handsome, kind, gentle, loving, understanding... Even now he was the one feeling uncomfortable but the first thing on his mind was to check on you.You alsmost felt bad feeling angry. 

Almost. 

To be fair you really tried to keep your cool but you were human after all. 

“It’s just some people have no shame! I mean I was right here! She just ignored me! You were holding my damn fucking hand! Of course it means we’re dating or do we have to start making out for her to get a hint?” You grumbled out all annoyed.  Looking up at Chan to take your side you noticed that the expression on his face had changed. Instead of an awkward smile he had on he was now gazing at you with amusement written all over his face. His eyes like a crecent moons and his adorable dimples showing.  

It wasn’t fucking fair he looked this damn good! 

“Don’t smile at me like you aren’t in fucking trouble!”  You watched as confusion washed all over his face. 

“Why am I in trouble?” 

“Oh I will tell you! You are too kind!” You point it out like it’s a huge problem which sounds ridiculous but unfortunately for both of you it is. 

“How is me being kind a problem? Isn’t that a good thing? Should I be evil?” Despite Chan’s playful tone and his amused smile confusion was as clear as a day on his face. 

“Shut it I’m still talking and you’re on thin ice!” The glare you gave him instantly made him shut up. 

“Sorry darling, please continue.” Softly kissing your hand he straightened up and tried to look serious. Tried being the key word. You really tried to keep your composure. 

“You can’t just smile at everyone like that, Chan,” you snap. “That waitress was eating it up. You were practically handing her your number with those puppy eyes.” 

Chan blinks, caught between confusion and guilt. “I was just being polite—” 

“That’s the problem!” you cut in, voice slightly rising against your better judgement. “You’re too polite. Too nice. Too—you. And you don’t see it, but people take advantage of that. You think they’re being friendly. I see it as them testing boundaries.” 

You sighed. “I shouldn't have to sit through a meal watching someone throw themselves at you while you smile and thank them for it like it’s normal. I trust you. I know you won’t betray my trust. It's just... Fuck I don’t know how to explain. I don’t want someone to make you uncomfortable like this. It’s not just about me getting pissed.” 

You exhale sharply, half-angry, half-exhausted mostly grumbling like an old cartoon character. “I should just—I don’t know—write ‘taken’ on your damn forehead in permanent marker or something like mark you up or some shit like that.” 

Chan’s expression shifted at that — something flickered behind his eyes. And then, without a word, he leaned forward over the tiny table, cupped your jaw with one hand, and kidded you. The kiss was firm, sure, leaving no room for argument — just the press of his lips saying everything he hadn’t yet taking your breath away just like that. 

When he finally pulled back, he murmured, breath warm against your skin, “Then I guess I’ll just have to show everyone I’m already yours.” Another short but loving peck, and you’ve already forgotten just what had you worked up anyway. “Is that good with you darling?” The teasing glint in his eyes and the smug grin he was barely hiding made you snap back to reality. 

“Oh fuck you!”  How did he manage to always fluster you was beyond you. He was taking advantage of how much you loved him really. What a tease. Made your heart throb and everything...

God you loved him. 

“Later baby.” He leaned in and sealed your lips again, not that you were against it. Also, you just loved how sour the mood of a certain waitress got after Chan’s very much public display of affection. A win was a win. 

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Lee Know

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The day started out great. You had a day off and you had spent it all day cuddling with your boyfriend and his adorable fluffballs till noon, you had a great breakfast and you two even went out to hang out with the guys. You decided to have a game night. There were also few other close “friends” invited.  

The thing is you and Minho were always a team whenever you played because both of you tended to get overly invested in games and usually it resulted in chaos. But today others had an interesting idea. Since there was an even amount of you Felix and Jisung came up with the idea to randomly split into pairs. That’s how you ended up being paired with Minho’s biggest enemy- Kim Seungmin. Not that you had anything against him, in fact you loved that chaotic little gremlin, the literal chaos incarnate.  

Minho didn’t seem to appreciate that at all. 

At first you thought that he was sulky because he and Innie lost to you and Seungmin in many games, declaring you the winner of the night. But now as you two were heading towards your shared house the atmostphere had really shifted. 

Even the air felt heavy in the car. It was quiet. Too quiet. Like the storm was brewing.  

After you felt Minho glance at you for the nth time this whole ride you just couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore. 

“Okay what is the problem? You had been sulking since we left.” 

Minho looked at you for a second, his face unreadable. “I’m not sulking.” Flat, so dry. 

Yeah right. 

“Please like I’d miss something like that after knowing you for years. You’re literally pouting Min! You only do that when you’re annoyed...”-You poused for a second-“or jealous.” 

“I’m not pouting.” a displeased scoff from him.

Ypu scoff in return. Yes, it's very mature..“Oh please like you can fool me.” 

"I’m fine.” 

“Minho. Why are you upset” 

He laughed now dryly.

“What is funny?"

“It’s funny you noticed, considering you were too busy all evening laughing at everythingSeungmin had said, like he’s the funniest person ever. You didn’t even bother to look at me from time to time. What a cute little pair you were." Minho's voice was cold, so cold it made you shiver. He never talked to you like that.

How dare he?

“Are you fucking serious right now?"

Another glance

“Completely” 

"So what? Am I not allowed to laugh at someone else’s joke? What if my boyfriend takes it as me flirting? What do you not trust me now"

"You think this is about trust?" Minho asked after stopping a car in front of your house. He looked at you, he really did. For a first time in the last 2 hours. "No. It's about the fact that you know exactly what you do to me when you smile like that—and then you go flashing it at everyone else. So fuck me I guess." 

"Excuse me? I’m not yours to—"  

You barely desipher the click of his seatbelt before his hand is firmly on your jaw and his lips are on yours. The kiss so raw and passionate speaking so many things at once. "Yeah, you are." He whispered against your lips before connecting them all over again. You swear you feel like you’re melting.   "You're mine."

“You won’t get out of this with a kiss you know.” 

"If you don’t want me to kiss you, don’t look so damn kissable when you’re angry." Only Lee Minho would he able to say this in the most nonchalant way.

Still it made your heart flutter.

“You’re such an asshole sometimes." You grumbled as you avoided his gaze. You didn’t want him to see how flustered he got you.

“You love me.” 

“I do.” 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Changbin

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

You loved your boyfriend. He was your love, your joy your happiness. He meant everything to you. Like there was nothing you wouldn’t do for him. But sometimes you just felt like strangling him. Like the way Homer Simpson strangles his son Bart. Or at least smack him. 

You two were supposed to have a date in this fancy restourant that recently opened up. You barely managed to make a reservation it was already packed for next 3 months.

Well, you were supposed to go and enjoy your date. The key word being supposed.

 Because he didn’t show up.   

You waited and waited. 15 minutes he didn’t answer your call. 30 minutes. Still no answer and no call. An hour- nothing. The pitiful gazes from the restaurant staff and other people around you became too much, but you still waited. An hour and a half... You just couldn’t take it anymore, so you left. 

You had barely taken a few steps from the restaurant when you saw him running full speed at you. 

“Baby I am so sorry!” You heard him huff out between laboured breaths. 

“Forget it, let’s go home.” The sound of your voice sounded so foreign to you. So emotionless. So empty. 

Changbin quickly caught up with you and stopped you by gently but firmly grabbing your wrist. “Baby please!” He sounded desperate but you didn’t care. You were fed up. You just wanted to go home. 

The desperate call of your name made you stop. And something in you snapped. ”Unbelievable! You forgot! Again! And now you act and sound like you’re the one hurting?” 

“Baby please, listen to me for a second.” He pleaded but you were done listening, 

“Do you even care Changbin? Or am I just some afterthought in your schedule?” You finally asked it, you really did. 

"I—No, I do care! I just lost track of time. I was in the studio, and-” You didn’t let me finish. Scoffing you started to talk. You were done being forgiving and understanding. This time you would speak up for yourself. "Studio. Right, always the studio. Always work. Always something more important than me! You didn’t even text, Changbin! You could have at least warned me instead of making me look like a pathetic fool in front of all these people! You could have fucking answered one of the many fucking calls. “ You knew that his schedule was a nightmare, but you weren’t asking for much. You knew that his mind was occupied with work, but would it kill him to think about you from time to time? 

Changbin looked like he was physically hurt by  your words. "I know. And I’m sorry, I really am!” 

“Sorry?! Sorry doesn’t change the fact that I was sitting there alone, waiting for you! I looked like an idiot, Changbin! Do you even know how...” You couldn’t even finish your sentence, you barely even had time to realize what was happening but one second you were pouring your heart out to Changbin in the middle of nowhere and the next second he was kissing you so desperately like you were the air he needed to breathe.

like you were his lifeline.

He held you like he was afraid you would disappear. 

The kiss itself was so raw, so desperate, so passionate and urgent. You didn’t even know how to react. Your whole body begged you to reciprocate to return the passion. It begged you to hold onto him and never let go, but at the same time you heart ached so much...  

His hands were so warm and gentle holding your face. His whole body was warm. All you wanted was to nuzzle against his strong sturdy frame. But what frightened you more is how weak you were for him. It’s like you could physically feel how the frustration, the anger- all melt into the heat of the kiss as the seconds passed. 

Eventually he leaned back. His eyes  glistening  like he was seconds away from crying. You don’t even realize when you started crying yourself. You only realized when Changbin gently wiped them away. “I messed up. But please, don’t say I don’t care about you.” He took your hands in his and kissed every knuckle making your skin crawl in anticipation. Not breaking eye contact. His eyes speaking for himself , in the language only you two could understand. Something just you two. “You’re my heart.” Another kiss, on your wrist now. And your heart leaped in your ribcage.  

“I love you so much baby.“- He muttered against your skin as he now migrated and kissed both of your cheeks. His touch purely electrifying. “Please trust me on that.” A broken voice and a final kiss on your forehead and you finally give in. 

“You’re on thin ice...” You finally mutter out after a few seconds of silence and Changbin looking like a literal sad puppy instead of a dwaekki. 

A biggest grin comes up on his face immediately. “I won’t break your trust again bunny! I promise.” 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Hyunjin

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

It starts the same way it always does. 

You said something—something important, something you needed Hyunjin to hear—and he just nodded, absently, like your words were some kind of background noise to whatever thought was occupying his head. 

Like now. 

You were sitting across from him, watching, waiting for even the slightest flicker of acknowledgment in his eyes. But instead, he was staring at the floor—no, not even staring. Spacing out. 

You could feel your fingers tighten around your drink. Your heart clenching in pain from being ignored yet again. “Hyunjin.” You called out agan but somewhat you already knew you would be ignored again.  

And there it was - Silence. 

Your heart sinked further. 

“Hyunjin.” You called. His head jerked up, eyes wide, almost guilty. “Huh?” 

Oh, there it iwas. The proof that he wasn’t listening. 

Your voice sharpened, your tone cold. “You didn’t hear anything I just said, did you?” 

“i’m sorry darlin I must have spaced out. What were you saying?” There it was. He asked you to repeat yourself like it was nothing special. Did he even realize just how much he tuned you out? Were you not interesting for him anymore? 

“God Hyunjin you always do this.” It’s like you could feel the headache manifesting. 

“What? What did I do wrong?” He fully sat up now. God was he serious? 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? That’s the problem, Hyunjin—you don’t listen! 

Hyunjin looked taken aback for a second but he quickly started to defend himself. “That’s not true, I...” You didn’t let him finish. 

“It is! Every time I try to talk, you brush it off. You nod along, say, "Yeah, yeah," like it’s nothing! Like I’m some background noise in your life!” You paused a second to take a deep breath. You felt like you could cry any second now. You felt so fragile like you could crack any second.  “It really hurts Hyun...” 

Seeing your defeated state he paniced " I swear, I...” 

"No!”  You interrupt, quite harshly also. “No, don’t just "I swear" me! Because the moment I get serious, the moment I actually need you to listen, you always...” 

Hyunjin moved. Quick, decisive, like he already made up his mind before you even finished your sentence. His lips crash against yours mid-rant, stealing your words, your frustration, your breath. The world tips upside down and all that's left is him—his touch, his warmth, his absurd, infuriating way of handling things. He pulls back just enough to whisper—soft, teasing, smug in the way only Hyunjin can be and get away with - “See? You’re not arguing anymore. Perfect balance.” 

You’re actually speechless. It was like the anger and sadness evaporated but now all you felt was confusion. Being in a relationship with him sure was a rollercoaster. You were flustered, scandalized, fuck you would be clutching your pearls if you had any on.  

You were dizzy. You could barely stand on your two feet. Your heart was going absolutely crazy in your ribcage!

“That—That doesn’t help your case at all you asshole!” Not able to stop yourself you smacked his arm which made Hyunjin giggle. 

Leaning in he wrapped his arms around you and gently brough you to himself. “I’m sorry my love I promise I will be more present from now on.” As if to make his point come across, he laned in to kiss your forehead gently. 

Bergundigly you wrapped your hands around his waist.

As if you could stay mad at him. 

“You better Hwang!” 

Hyunjin flinched like you slapped the shit out of him. “Baby! Not my last name!” 

Served him right. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

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[shhhhimwatchingthis]

Actually love the way The Next Prince is exploring the power between Khanin and Charan.

Like, yes Khanin is a prince but he found out last week. They're in the kingdom in which Khanin is a prince but he is a stranger there. he has no allies or friends. no one he can trust. Unlike Charan who has the King's ear, who has a place, who has friends and allies.

Charan is older than Khanin and a stronger physical fighter but Charan is quicker on his feet in the improv/get out of trouble department and just as if not more gutsy and stubborn.

And most significantly in the ep 3 reveal Charan just helped manipulate the hell out of Khanin by telling him his father is dead. As the only thing remotely familiar to Khanin now he's imprinted HARD on Charan and the devastating thing is Charan KNOWS it.

Charan desperately tries to give Khanin his power back to make up for it. When they're alone in his room, he tries to invoke propriety only for Khanin to retort by asking why it suddenly matters now and not when they Shared A Bed on the run. and like Khanin is right in that scene Charan has no response to that. Like its a fascinating exchange in terms of power because Charan is trying to give Khanin power back...by denying him the thing he wants (Charan by his side) which means Khanin doesn't really have the power in the scene....but he does clearly shut Charan up and win the argument so he does maybe have some of the power.

And then of course Khanin does start acting like a prince, pulls rank and drags Charan to his side, but so many of these other disparities still exist between them: age, Khanin's status as a stranger in his own kingdom vs Charan's lower rank but familiarity, the LIE that Lie is going to Devastating.

It's all just so fascinating. The show is both highlighting the inequality between the two and continuinally putting them in on an even level. And its just interesting in comparison to say Cutie Pie, in which Lian was always always one step ahead compared to Kuea, instead there seems to be real effort to play and shift with the power dynamics between these two.

Anyway, I need a million more episodes of this show.

[ineedpaigebuckets]

(fake) roomie

an: pt 2 to "like gravity" where azzi and paige fall into a little more affection than they're used to

———

after her and paige's little conversation, after the first day of camp, it hit her—this tight, anxious feeling curling low in her stomach.

she wasn’t nervous about playing with older girls or being the youngest one out there. she wasn’t scared of messing up a drill or looking like she didn’t belong.

no, what she wasn’t prepared for was paige bueckers.

paige was… everywhere. loud in the most natural way. funny without trying. she lit up a room just by walking into it. people were entranced with her like gravity had made an exception just for her.

and azzi got it. she really did.

but what she didn’t get—what she didn’t expect—was that no matter how many people circled around paige, laughing at her jokes, pulling her into conversations, trying to keep her attention, paige always managed to find her.

it started subtly. paige would slide into the open seat next to her while watching film, even if there were others open. she’d show up at lunch with an extra gatorade, like she just happened to grab two. she’d lean in during stretches to whisper something stupid in azzi’s ear just to make her laugh.

they weren’t roommates, but they may as well have been. most nights ended the same—with one of them climbing into the other’s bed, sharing a snack, legs tangled in a blanket, paige’s ipad balanced on a pillow between them.

paige flopped onto azzi's bed at night like she belonged there, always with something to eat—chips, pretzels, a sleeve of cookies. they’d sit shoulder to shoulder, legs overlapping under the blanket. their feet would brush. their knees would bump. and when they both reached for the last pretzel and their fingers touched, neither of them moved.

azzi told herself it didn’t mean anything.

but paige had this look in her eye sometimes—like she knew something azzi didn’t know how to verbalize.

one night, paige rolled over and propped her chin in her hand. she down at azzi.

“bet you can’t do ten pushups with me on your back.”

azzi raised a brow. “you wish.”

she barely made it to six before collapsing. paige was giggling against her spine the whole time, her body warm and solid and heavy, arms hooked around azzi’s shoulders like a koala. azzi rolled over and paige didn’t get up right away. they just laid there, tangled on the floor, both of them breathing hard, laughing harder.

paige grabbed her phone and snapped a picture right as azzi tipped her head back, mouth open in a full, unguarded laugh. her cheeks pink, her eyes closed, her smile bright and real.

later, paige put it on her private story.

“my (fake) roomie 💗”

azzi saw it and didn’t say anything, but the warmth in her chest lingered long after.

after that, the touches felt different.

paige’s hand on her back stayed a second too long. their legs brushed during drills and neither stepped away. her pinky started hooking around azzi’s during warmups—casual. casual. until it wasn’t.

one night night they were watching a movie, something dumb and old playing on the ipad. azzi was halfway through a bag of gummy worms when she felt paige’s pinky graze hers.

she should’ve moved. she didn’t.

instead, she curled her pinky around paige’s—just barely. just enough.

the room felt quieter after that. not awkward, just… heavy. charged. their pinkies stayed like that the whole movie. connected, barely.

azzi’s heart beat loud in her ears, but neither of them looked away.

she told herself it was just paige’s energy. she was like that with everyone, right?

but no one else made azzi’s stomach flip just by looking at her. no one else made her want to sit closer for no reason. no one else made her think about how soft her hoodie looked or what her neck smelled like when she leaned over to grab something.

no one else looked at her like that.

that night, paige was flipping through her camera roll, telling a story that azzi wasn’t fully listening to. then she stopped. her voice quieted.

“i think this is the prettiest picture i’ve ever seen.”

azzi leaned over. “of you?” she teased, pointing to the next photo—a mirror selfie of paige holding up her ipad like a trophy.

paige shook her head. smiled. tapped back to the other photo.

“no,” she said softly. “of you.”

azzi's breath caught in her throat. something about the way paige looked at her right then—gentle and sure, unbothered by the silence—made her throat close up.

later that night, when they were stretched out on the bed talking about random things—college, the wnba, their favorite cereals—the conversation shifted, softer.

they started talking about the future, azzi went silent. she looked at paige for what felt like an eternity.

then, almost whispering, she said, “i’ve never really liked anyone like this.”

paige turned her head toward her, smile slow and steady.

“me neither,” she said, eyes locked onto azzi’s like she was afraid to blink.

her hand was close—unbearably close. she let her fingers hover just over azzi’s, not touching, just waiting.

and then they moved, somehow at the same time. slowly, like gravity had taken hold of their shoulders, tugging them forward inch by inch. the air between them felt thick, charged—like it had weight. paige could hear her own breathing, shallow and shaky, feel her pulse fluttering in her neck. azzi’s eyes flicked down to her lips and back up again, wide and unsure.

and then—inch by inch—the space disappeared. their heads tilted toward each other without a word. noses bumped first. too fast. azzi laughed, breath shaky against paige’s cheek. it made paige laugh too, nervously, quietly, and then without thinking, she leaned in that final bit and kissed her.

it wasn’t perfect. it was awkward. their mouths didn’t line up right at first—azzi tilted too far to the left, paige a little too fast—too much angle not enough pressure. paige tilted again. azzi adjusted, and somehow it still landed. not perfect, not practiced—but warm. real. azzi’s lip caught on paige’s for a second before she kissed her again, more certain this time. her hand slid up, resting on paige’s chest without even thinking. just trying to feel something steady.

the kiss lingered just long enough to say something. not everything, not yet—but something honest. something wide open and new. paige smiled into it without meaning to, the way you smile when you realize you’ve just crossed a line you’ve been staring at forever. azzi kissed her back, gentle and shy, like she was still deciding if this was allowed but didn’t want it to stop.

paige’s knee slipped between azzi’s for a second before she pulled back, trying to catch her breath. their foreheads bumped.

azzi’s chest was rising fast. her fingers clenched in the blanket, her whole body warm. not embarrassed. just lit up.

they didn’t say anything. didn’t need to.

they watched the rest of the movie without paying attention, barely apart. their pinkies linked again, automatically this time. like muscle memory.

they didn’t talk about what it meant. but they didn’t ignore it either.

it felt like their whole world had been electrified, and neither of them knew how to stop it.

⸻

p 💗:

u left one of ur socks in my bed

we’re officially married now

az 💗:

oh no

guess this means i have to do ur laundry now

p 💗:

yes

and give me back rubs and bring me snacks during film

wife responsibilities 😌

az 💗:

ur annoying

but i’d still do it

p 💗:

i knew it

u love me 😏

az 💗:

shut up

p 💗:

nah

i’m busy thinking about ur laugh

az 💗:

???

p 💗:

when you face planted trying to do a push up with me on your back

top 3 moments of my life

az 💗:

u were NOT light

also you moved on purpose i know you did

p 💗:

maybe i like being on top of you

az 💗:

ur actually insane

p 💗:

nah i just like my fake roomie

az 💗:

okay well stop flirting

i'm blushing

i'm trynna sleep

p 💗:

not my fault you keep looking at my mouth when i talk 🤨

az 💗:

i do NOT

p 💗:

you do

every time

lean in a lil too close

az 💗:

maybe ur just magnetic

p 💗:

maybe u like me

az 💗:

maybe i do

maybe i don't know what to do with that

p 💗:

that's okay

i'm not going anywhere

but just so u know i'm thinking about u tonight

hard

az 💗:

u suck

goodnight p

thanks for making everything feel... less weird

p 💗:

never weird

just us

sweet dreams az

⸻

[thevalleyisjolly]

So I just rewatched Rogue One after finishing Andor Season 2. And it really has made me see the movie in a different way. This past season, I've read many critiques that Cassian in Season 2 seems to be a different character from the Cassian we see in Rogue One. The two primary concerns are commitment and obedience; Cassian wavers in his commitment to the Rebellion, and Cassian disobeys orders much more frequently which appears to undermine his decision not to kill Galen in the movie.

I've delved into the issue of commitment before, the TL;DR being that Cassian expresses these doubts and despair after surviving a horrifically traumatic event and that he never actually follows through with quitting even though there is little to functionally stop him. What I want to look at now is the issue of disobedience, and in order to do that, I think we have to start by understanding that Rogue One is, fundamentally, Jyn's story.

Yes, Rogue One is an ensemble cast movie about the many unnamed soldiers who give everything for a sunrise they'll never see. But the driving force in the narrative is Jyn. We start the movie with Jyn's childhood, and apart from occasional scenes necessary to advance the wider plot, we're following her perspective for much of the film. She's our viewpoint character for understanding the narrative as well as the other characters. It's a Star Wars story told through the story of Jyn Erso.

I want to point this out because it means that nearly every major character we meet, apart from legacy characters like Vader or Bail or Tarkin, exist in the film's story primarily through their relationship to Jyn's story. We don't get extensive Chirrut or Baze or Bodhi backstories because they are not in the story to provide different viewpoints. Bodhi reconnects Jyn to her father both through his official message and his personal memories of Galen; Chirrut and Baze provide faith and guidance through the doubt and darkness.

And then there's Cassian. Rewatching Rogue One through the lens of it being Jyn's story, I'm struck by how his role in the narrative is to Call Jyn, not to a grand adventure but to a home, to be the person and the leader she has the potential within to be. He challenges the self-interested worldview she's adopted out of necessity and trauma, he makes her look at herself and her decisions, he inspires her to hope and to fight and he's the first to welcome her home when she commits to the cause.

On the other hand, we're not told or shown very much about him (I'm deliberately not going into the novelization because the novelization, while incredibly written, top tier movie novelization, was written as a companion novel after the film was made and is there to enhance the film rather than be part of it structurally). Yes, Cassian has the biggest presence in the film and the story other than Jyn...but we aren't following Cassian's story. The things he tells us and shows us about himself -being in the fight since childhood, struggling with his orders to kill Galen- are things which exist in the context of his role in Jyn's story, to challenge and parallel her. He, like Jyn, has been in affected by the Empire since childhood but where he had to fight, Jyn chose to run. He cites his orders (and his disobedience) as Jyn is confronting him for trying to kill her father, and Jyn even directly calls him out for trying to "talk [his] way around this."

Yes, I agree it's a hugely significant moment in the film for Cassian to disobey the order to kill Galen, but I think the "why" is just as significant in the film as the act of disobedience itself. Cassian uses his orders as a justification when he's being confronted by Jyn, and a last resort justification too. He first dismisses her accusations as shock ("You're in shock. You don't know what you're talking about. ...You're in shock and looking for somewhere to put it."), then when Jyn continues, he defends himself by saying that he never actually did the deed ("I had every chance to pull the trigger. But did I? Did I?"). When Jyn counters with the evidence of the Alliance bombing raid, at last Cassian falls back on, "I had orders! Orders that I disobeyed!"

This isn't to say at all that it wasn't a huge struggle and a huge moment for Cassian to not kill Galen. He did disobey his orders in that moment and you can see the weight of the conflict on him. It's a turning moment in his journey within the movie; the moment he looks in on himself, at what he's about to do, and doesn't like what sees. The point I want to bring out is that everything he says and does afterwards is in the context of Jyn's story.

Jyn herself is at a crisis point in the narrative; her long-lost father has just died in her arms, thanks to the actions of the Alliance, and her father's dying wish is for the Death Star to be destroyed, something she cannot accomplish by herself. By the time she gets back to Yavin, she's standing up in front of the Alliance demanding that they take action. She's already made her decision. What happens now, in the stolen Imperial shuttle with Cassian, is the moment where she has to choose. Cassian, representing the Alliance who killed her father but also the billions, trillions of unnamed people who've had no choice but to fight the Empire since they were born, calls her out for her self-interest even as she challenges his culpability in her father's death. Yes, he admits, he had orders, but he didn't go through with them. You [Jyn] though, you wouldn't understand because you've chosen inaction. Jyn has not had to make the difficult decisions about whether to follow orders and do something she knows is wrong; she's only just decided to start caring.

Later, in Cassian's speech in the hangar, he says, "Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion. And every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget, I told myself it was for a cause I believed in. A cause that was worth it. Without that we're lost. Everything we've done would be for nothing." In that moment, he admits to Jyn and the audience that he's been holding onto the Rebellion and the cause as a reason for his actions. Every good or bad thing he's done, he's been able to justify it to himself as part of a fight that he's been forced into since childhood. In admitting this out loud, he both acknowledges that Jyn was right when she pushed back against his excuses ("Orders? When you knew they were wrong? You may as well be a stormtrooper.") and signals to Jyn and the audience that this mission now, this cause is worth it. He was lost but has found a purpose once more; just as Jyn was lost but is now home, in the right place at the right time as the leader she has inside her. This is Cassian's role in Jyn's story, the story through which we understand this Star Wars story. He challenges her and us to think about commitment and privilege and the unheroic side of rebellion; he inspires her and us to action and to hope.

Andor, on the other hand, is a Star Wars story through the story of Cassian. For that reason alone, the Cassian we meet is already going to be different because we're not seeing him through Jyn's eyes now. We are seeing Cassian the character through Cassian's perspective and for a much more longer period of time - five years where he is the main vessel for the narrative as opposed a few days where he is a character in someone else's story. We watch Cassian succeed and fail many times, we hear him doubt everything and inspire others, we see some of the events which shaped him and we come to understand his role in the events which we've come to know.

When Andor was first announced and throughout since, it was marketed as the story of how Cassian becomes the rebel we meet in Rogue One. And I think given that pitch, it's fair to criticize the apparent dissimilarities in character between Cassian in the show and Cassian in Rogue One. At the same time, I don't think Cassian in the show is an entirely different person from Cassian in the movie. Many of the same building blocks are there (charismatic, capable, deceptive, clever, manipulative, determined), but we're seeing the development of these traits now through Cassian's experiences rather than viewing them through Jyn's perspective. It definitely feels different, sometimes radically so, and it's not wrong by any means to prefer the more streamlined character we meet in Rogue One. Nor does this mean that ten years' worth of fan discussion and insight into the character is wrong! It just means that unless they remake Rogue One from Cassian's perspective, everything the character does in the film is structured and interpreted through the lens of Jyn's story and not his own.

So having said that, let's return to the issue of disobedience. In Andor Season 2, Cassian disobeys direct orders several times, each time in relation to information from Luthen (which goes a ways towards showing why everyone the Council except Mon is so mistrusting of him). So what orders is he disobeying? Both times he leaves Yavin, he does not have permission to go - although the first time, when he leaves for Ghorman, the rebels on Yavin are very loosely organized, Draven only makes a token effort to rein in Cassian, and they have no issue coming back. And...that's it. The second time, when he goes to Coruscant, he's ordered to stand down and he does not. Then, when they come back hot without a flight plan filed, they're confronted by an X-wing escort and afterwards, Cassian complies with what he's told (even though he vehemently disagrees with the Council about it).

When we look at Cassian's disobedience in Season 2, we see that the orders he disobeys are primarily related to permission. He has not been given permission to undertake these unsanctioned missions but he refuses to stand down and he leaves Yavin under false pretenses that everyone can see through. The charge is insubordination, and post facto, potentially exposing the rebel base and thus endangering the Alliance. Contrast this with the order he's given in Rogue One - do not extract the target but rather kill him. This is not an order related to his position within the Rebel Alliance; this is a mission directive to eliminate a perceived threat. And while I think there's a definite criticism to be made of the "lone agent" elements of his insubordination in Season 2, I don't think it fundamentally undermines his moral and personal struggle in Rogue One about refusing to kill Galen.

There's a difference between not listening to your boss' orders because you want to pursue a personal matter, and choosing to disobey an order to kill someone because it would be wrong. One is a decision that anyone can be faced with at any time, the other is a fundamentally moral issue and one that is complicated into a struggle for Cassian because of the nature of the situation. When you've been fighting a fascist regime your whole life, living through atrocities and doing some terrible things in the name of the cause, and you now have the opportunity to take out an important engineer in the regime's weapons program, is it a greater crime to kill them or let them live? At this point, they don't know what else Galen Erso has been working on, if he hasn't been developing other devastating weapons for the Empire. And what if you had to look their daughter in the eye afterwards, the daughter who believed that you were going to save him, whom you lied to about his safety?

This is getting long, so the last thing I'll say is that it's absolutely valid (and important!) to critique Andor over how well it executed its goal of showing Cassian's journey. There are elements that I personally agree were a little rougher and inconsistent, such as the hints that he's some kind of "destined" chosen one or the development of his relationship with K-2SO which could have done with more time. What I really want to say though is that Cassian is a complex character, whom we now have multiple hours of story and screen time through which to examine (and re-examine!) him. And this opens up so much room for discussion and textual criticism, and I hope that we're able to keep talking about and enjoying Cassian Andor long after his story ends.

[lvnleah]

Would you write a bit where Hayden is really nervous about motherhood, like terrified, and maybe has a chat to like Amanda or Katrina Gorry or literally anyone with kids who reassure her about the whole thing and tell her she’ll be fine

not alone | no more secrets.

“She’s so good with her,” you smiled as you watched Kyra run around with Harper as the pair of them chased a ball. “I can't wait for days like this when my little bubba’s older.”

“Are you excited?” Katrina asked you, “You’re 26 weeks, it’ll fly by, before you know it she’ll be here.”

You watched Kyra and Harper laughing together, the sight filling you with a mix of joy and nervous anticipation.

“I think so,” you replied, your voice a little quieter than usual. “But it feels so far away, and also, like, right around the corner. I don’t know… it’s like, I’m so excited, but then I panic. What if I can’t handle it?”

Katrina gave you a soft, understanding smile, her gaze moving from Koby, who was resting contentedly in her arms, to you. “You’ll handle it, you will. It’s normal to doubt yourself, especially in the beginning, but you’re already thinking about it. That’s half the battle.”

You nodded, though the doubt still lingered in the back of your mind. The thought of being a parent, being responsible for a tiny, helpless baby, was overwhelming.

“I just keep thinking about how much everything is going to change.” You sighed, “Like, I’m going to be responsible for a little human.”

Katrina shifted Koby slightly and gave you a knowing look. “Everything is going to change. But not all change is bad. You’ve got people around you who love you. You’re not doing this alone.”

Your eyes drifted back to Kyra as she scooped Harper up dramatically, both of them giggling as she spun the little girl in a circle. You smiled without meaning to, the sight easing something in your chest.

“She’s been… really amazing,” you said softly, almost more to yourself than to Katrina.

Katrina hummed. “She’s been completely smitten with you since day one.”

Your head snapped to look at her. “What?”

“Oh come on,” Katrina laughed. “You really think she offers to do grocery runs with you just because she loves supermarkets? Or that she shows up to every appointment ‘just in case you need someone to drive you home’? That girl would wrap you in bubble wrap if she could.”

You looked away, biting down the flush rising to your cheeks. “She’s just being a good friend.”

Katrina raised an eyebrow. “I know what it’s like dating with kids. It was the exact same situation for me and Clara, but it’s close enough. Just let her in and be there for you.”

“I’m scared I won’t know what to do,” you admitted, your hands resting protectively over the curve of your bump. “Like, what if she cries and I can’t figure out why? What if I mess something up and she gets sick or hurt?”

“You will figure it out,” Katrina said gently. “I promise you will. Every parent has those thoughts. I had them and I still get them some days. You’ll learn her little cues, and what she needs. You’ll learn together.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about if she’ll be okay.” You sighed, “Like, what if she doesn’t sleep, or she hates the car, or I can’t get her to feed right?”

Katrina gave a soft laugh. “You’ll have nights where you cry in the dark with her in your arms, and then mornings where she smiles at you for the first time and everything else fades. It’s hard, but it’s not all hard. And you’re not doing this alone, no matter how much it might feel like it sometimes.”

“I don’t even know how to hold a newborn properly,” you whispered, the vulnerability catching in your throat.

Katrina smiled, “You’ll learn. You’ve got a whole load of support. And me. And Kyra. And everyone else who loves you. You’ll learn. Honestly, they just want to be close to you and feel safe. You already know how to love her. That’s the most important thing.”

You blinked back tears, overwhelmed by the weight of it all, “I just want to be a good mum.”

“You will be,” Katrina said without hesitation. “Because you already care so much.”

Kyra jogged over a moment later, cheeks flushed and hair wild, carrying a breathless, grinning Harper in her arms.

“She wore me out,” Kyra laughed, carefully lowering Harper onto the picnic blanket beside you. “You alright?” she asked.

You nodded, wiping your eyes before the tears could properly fall. “Yeah. Just… having a moment.”

“No over ice cream right?” Kyra asked wearily, “Because if you start crying and screaming over it like you did the other night then I might—”

You shook your head and cut her off, “No, Ky.” you laughed, “Just thinking about everything. About baby girl. About being her mum.”

“Thank god because I couldn’t cope,” Kyra mumbled, sitting down beside you.

You let out a shaky laugh, your hand instinctively rubbing your belly again as your baby rolled gently beneath your palm.

Maybe Katrina was right. Maybe you would learn. Maybe it was okay to be scared, as long as you kept showing up anyway.

[elexuscal]

Welcome to the Murderbot Diaries Fandom!

Hello, hello! Our favorite anxious half robot, half-human security construct has made it to streaming, introducing it to a whole new audience! While that leaves the temptation to put on our helmets and hide in the corner, I'm putting my best foot forward to mimic Dr. Mensah and welcome you all to our hab!

My intention with this post is to give a little bit of a guide to newcomers to get them situated, and generally just say hi.

What's Murderbot?

Murderbot is the titular character of The Murderbot Diaries, a book series by Martha Wells. Book 1, All Systems Red, is currently being adapted by a new streaming series on Apple TV. The (two) series follow a rogue ‘SecurityUnit’ as it befriends humans and robots alike, steals its freedom, and does what it can against the hyper-capitalist companies that rule much of the galaxy.

Spoilers Abound!

As far as we can tell, the (presumed first) season of the Murderbot show will cover only book 1 of what is currently a six-book series (with two additional short stories, and two more entries planned).

As such, there will be spoilers lurking in the tags! This includes future events, reveals, and characters.

If you're new and don't want to be spoiled, stick to the tags #Murderbot Show and #Murderbot TV. It's also a courtesy of fans of the book series to keep TV show discussion in that tag as opposed to the book tags #Murderbot Diaries and #TMBD. (Though I'm going to be honest, there's like a bazillion tags at this point so this might be a losing battle. Oh well, we try!)

Sharing Spaces

The fundamental themes are Murderbot are about the power of kindness and compassion, and the importance of respecting those different from you. Those are ideals I hope we can continue to foster as our little fandom grows.

What does that mean?

Primarily, it means recognizing that there are going to be different perspectives, and that's okay! Some people are really excited by an adaptation of the books they love; some are skeptical. Plus, of course a whole bunch of folks who have only just been introduced to MB via TV! All are valid! Let's not be rude to those who disagree with our own perspective.

It also means respecting different interpretations of the character and stories. We don't know how much the story of books and show are going to diverge; certainly, even faithful adaptations need to make changes to take advantage of a new medium. And indeed, even when you're reading the same text, people can come away with very different perspectives. We need to make room for all those perspectives to hang out together.

Identity and Representation

The Murderbot of the books is nonbinary, using it/its pronouns. There’s heavy emphasis in the text that Murderbot is wholly uninterested in both sex and romance, and it is therefore very commonly interpreted as asexual and aromantic, not to mention touch-averse and neurodivergent. As such, you'll find many folks from these communities within the fandom. Please try to be kind and respectful of these groups!

As always, the fandom principles of 'Ship and Let Ship' and 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink (And That's Okay)' applies. That said, it's a two way street, and there are ways to approach shipping that recognises why many other fans won't share your interests. Write shippy fic, draw shippy art, just tag appropriately and be respectful of ace and aro-spec identities as you do.

Respecting representation also extends to visual depictions of the characters! With a new show out, it of course follows that many people will be making fanart reflecting its cast! However, the books themselves are often very scant on physical descriptions, reflecting Murderbot's often laconic style. This leaves a bit of a blank canvas for fanart. While we're definitely going to be seeing a lot of fanart representing Skarsgard's Murderbot (as well as the rest of the show's cast), you’re also going to be seeing pieces  taking inspiration from other places, such the official book cover art by Tommy Arnold,�� the voice actor of the audiobooks, Kevin R. Free, and artists’ own imagination! This means other interpretations of the characters in terms of racial background, build, and gender presentation. That's awesome! Let's keep enthusiasm for all ways of depicting this awesome universe going!

Fandom Is Fun

Above all, fandom is a place of joy, connection, and creativity. Be kind to others; block those who are bringing you down; share and emphasize the things you love!

If this is your first time finding Murderbot; welcome! I think you've got a real treat ahead of you. I'm glad you're here. 👋

[centaurianthropology]

Thoughts and Probably Overly-Thorough Analysis on Adaptation in ‘Murderbot’ Episodes 1 and 2

After discussing adapting a very internal book series to the screen in this post, I was excited to actually get to watch how the show tackled visually trying to tell the story, especially given that the episodes are only approximately 30 minutes long.  That is TIGHT, and requires some tight scripting to establish the world, the characters, and the stakes. 

So, non-spoiler thoughts above the cut: I liked it!  I feel like the vibe is right, while changing some necessary things to better establish the world and several important concepts for non-readers.  The first scene felt a little clunky as far as pacing/info-dumping/character intro went, but after that I do feel like the pace evened out into something I genuinely found enjoyable.  There is a lot of effort to start defining cultures, concepts, and characters, and by and large I think it succeeded.  I have a few changes I might question, but we’re way too early in the season for me to feel comfortable judging them.  So overall, as someone who has read the books and enjoys seeing how things have to change to adapt to a different storytelling medium?  I think it’s overall successful, particularly as the first two episodes are clearly the setup episodes (almost always the hardest episodes to really nail during adaptation). 

If you’re looking for a 1:1 translation of the books, and if you’re really sensitive to changing the original, this is probably not going to be the show for you.  Luckily, there are great books and audiobooks still there for you!  But if you’re open to the changes, if your vision of these books and these character is flexible and you might even be excited to see a different version than the one already told, you will hopefully find it as fun a ride as I did.

By the end of episode two, particularly after some really great scenes featuring Alexander Skarsgard (whose portrayal of Murderbot completely won me over) and David Dastmalchian (Gurathin was always one of my favorites, and he is doing such interesting things to deepen the character), I am hooked.

More spoilery thoughts on the episodes below!

So, what do you have to do in intro episodes?  You have to introduce characters, situation and, in speculative fiction, also concepts and setting.  And for half-hour sci-fi episodes you’re almost certainly requiring a lot of shorthand, a lot of quick ways to get information across, a lot of info in as little time as possible.  Both of the first episodes dropped at once, and that’s honestly good, because they more or less function as the introductory two-parter before the action kicks off. 

The pacing is fairly leisurely, focused on introducing us to the world, the characters, and how they got to the place they are for the story.  And even after the intros, I do feel like we will probably be devoting more time to giving some of the more underserved characters more expansive moments.  But for having to do a lot in about an hour’s worth of television, I think they accomplished what they set out to do with fairly minimal clunkiness.

S1E1: ‘FreeCommerce’

That said the initial scene is a bit clunky.  I get why it was necessary.  We have to establish several big concepts in a hurry: what a SecUnit is, what they are generally used for, a sense of the Corporation Rim, and the hacked governor module that lies as the basis of the whole story going forward.  Those are big sci-fi concepts to front-load, and I do think the scene could have maybe taken one more pass through editing to not make it feel quite so rushed (a few pauses and beats here and there would have been appreciated), but I also understand that the sense was likely to get the information dump over quickly to get on with the story.  So, less elegant than one might hope, but not a deal-breaker by any means.  Information conveyed, moving on.

The introduction to the PresAux team, in my opinion, goes a lot better.  Largely because the writers play it out over multiple scenes and scenarios, giving us perspectives on these characters in three very different situations (at Port FreeCommerce, setting up their base, and facing their first real threat in the story).  I think hard-cutting to the actual beginning of ‘All Systems Red’ briefly, before flashing back to show the team having to rent Murderbot is a great choice.  We get the nod to the book-readers for the in medias res cold open of ‘All Systems Red’, while still going back to help the non-readers really understand who these people are and how they got here.

Playing up the hippie vibes of the team is smart visual and storytelling shorthand.  We immediately get a good sense that they don’t quite fit in with the Corporation Rim.  I love that it’s pointed out that their clothing is hand made, that there are patterns and textures, that there is jewelry and accessories and fun bags.  Put that against the Company’s sales reps’ tech-bro synthetic aesthetics, and it works!  My one wish would have been that the sales reps were all a little more artificially hot, to really drive home how unmakeuped and natural the PresAux team looks.  But still, a solid contrast to let us know that these are not your usual group of spacefarers.

And it continues throughout negotiations, leading up to the humming consesus circle.  Again, I think this is a great choice, because it serves multiple purposes all at once.  We can feel how different their society is to the one that Murderbot understands, and even sets them apart from our culture, which unfortunately is a lot more like Corporation Rim culture than Preservation. 

And this, I think, is why amplifying the hippie commune vibes of these characters is such a great choice: we as the audience are mostly in Murderbot’s head, so PresAux comes off the way that it initially sees them.  They seem weird, quirky, naive.  And yet, I believe that throughout the series both Murderbot and we will have our expectations challenged.  Why can’t people be emotionally open, trusting, and kind, even be fairly far-out and kooky, and still be highly competent, intelligent individuals who manage to hold their own under difficult circumstances.  In our own particular cultural moment, earnestness and emotional openness and the general hopeful and sweet vibes of the Preservation team is viewed as “cringe”.  I think there are probably going to be some viewers who look at them and want them to be some cool, cynical rebel college communists rather than drum-circle having hippies who love decorating their surroundings, embroidering, and jewelry making.  But I am very hopeful that, over the course of the season, we are shown how much their culture of openness, trust, and kindness can be a strength.  We might be asked to confront our own biases against earnestness and ‘quirkiness’, which could blind us to how competent these people are, much as Murderbot itself was initially blinded.

The scene on Port FreeCommerce serves as our introduction to the vibes of at least some of the individual members of PresAux as well.  Pin-Lee is running point in negotiations, so we know they’re someone who either has negotiating, business, or legal expertise (something that is difficult to establish through the rest of the story).  Dr. Mensah is clearly in charge, but has no desire to make unilateral decisions.  She takes other opinions into account (even if she ultimately disagrees with them), states her philosophical and moral objections to SecUnits clearly, but still acts as a realist: if they are going to do this survey, they have to cooperate with the Company.  The hellish compromise.

But because the whole team essentially has to compromise their morals and ethics to do this survey the way that the Company is insisting it get done (renting what is essentially mandatory slave labor), she makes sure that her entire team agrees with her before signing their contact.  We see that the team is very cooperative, but Gurathin is a bit of an awkward outsider (though immediately invited to be an insider by Ratthi, so we also get a sense of his open and warm nature), although at this point in the episode we don’t know why he doesn’t seem to fit as seamlessly as the others.

Moving to the survey planet and the team’s habitat is also a scene that pulls a lot of multilayered weight.  It establishes all the important components of the habitat, it establishes Murderbot’s disgust of human bodily functions, and further expands on the team and how Muderbot responds to them.  These are important moments because these are the initial impressions that will go on to be confirmed or subverted throughout the season.  While it’s a bit on the nose to just do a verbal intro of everyone, it’s also a good use of time in a 30-minute episode to just get everyone’s names out there, base-level relationships, jobs, and at least one individual facet of them (Mensah has 80 million seven children, Arada and Pin-Lee are married but might be going through a bit of a rough patch, Ratthi flirts with All The Things, Gurathin is an augmented human, and Bharadwaj is hoarding soap for unknown reasons).  We see them decorating their habitat, growing plants inside, playing music (again, more cultural establishment and ways of making both Murderbot and the audience initially confused by this bunch), and being … really sweet with one another, honestly.  I felt immediately endeared to them and wanted to know more (why are you hoarding soap, Bharadwaj??).  We get tiny character beats like Arada running up the stairs to call dibs on rooms, followed by Ratthi and Pin-Lee, and we get a moment of Pin-Lee pausing as they run past SecUnit to smile at it and seem to try to engage with it, if only briefly.  We get Ratthi painting the habitat, and Gurathin fretting over if the paint washes off (they’re never getting their deposit back …).

We also get that Murderbot Does Not Want to Be Here, and see it grappling with humanity as a whole.  It seems to find actual human relationships offputting and confusing, but loves the melodramatic interpretations of relationships on ‘Sanctuary Moon’.  Reality makes it deeply uncomfortable, but unreality has become its comfort and what it mostly spends its time focused on.  Through its avoidance of them and their oddities, we get a sense both of its fear of being found out, and we get a Chekhov’s gun of emotional attachment.  It doesn’t want it, but it’s also deeply fascinated by its facsimile.  And given how open and loving this group seems to be in general (with one notable and delightfully bitchy exception, love you Gurathin), we can already see how it’s going to be loved whether it wants to be or not.

The final establishment of character, situation, and place, occurs with the return to the cold open of ‘All Systems Red’, now armed with enough information to actually care at least somewhat when Bharadwaj gets attacked by the worm, as well as somewhat understanding why she and Arada might initially not listen to the SecUnit (they know it’s refurbished and all the rest of their Company equipment is a bit shit, they’re scientists excited about their work, the planet was rated safe). 

The worm attack works fairly well.  The CG of Murderbot jumping down feels a bit floaty, but as soon as it closes in for combat the visual effects are on point, and the pacing of the scene is frantic and fun.  The use of the ‘Sanctuary Moon’ clip to give Murderbot a means of trying to comfort Arada to get her walking was great, and it was really this scene that sold me on Alexander Skarsgard as Murderbot.  After hearing its snarky internal monologue, hearing the awkwardness of its actual attempts at a social interaction is delightful!  Internal-Monologue!Murderbot is quippy and witty and sarcastic.  Outside!SecUnit is awkwardness and social anxiety personified.  And I feel like this disconnect can really hit home for a lot of people with bad social anxiety. 

This is also important to establish the initial character reactions to a majorly tramatic and shocking moment for them.  Arada goes into shock, but after that gets forceful and defensive of both SecUnit and her field of study (her lines about animals were actually great, and really set her apart in her own unique way). 

Pin-Lee demands action.  They can get loud and abrasive, and they clearly need to have control over their circumstances or they start to get very twitchy, but they are also caring, careful to correct themself when they say something that could be genuinely insulting. 

Ratthi is concerned for everyone, but also has a base-level chill nature that means he can’t stay worked up to the intensity that others can.  It makes him a sweet and leveling presence in tense scenes. 

Gurathin has to be useful.  He preps the medbay.  He stays with Bharadwaj until she wakes up, monitoring her vitals and the equipment, even though there isn’t much he can do.  But the equipment is his thing.  The tech is his thing, and he’s going to make it work.  Which is why, of course, he’s also the first to notice something is off with their SecUnit.  Not only is he focused on the equipment (and at this point viewing SecUnit more as faulty equipment than a person), but we find out that he’s the only one of the team who might have actually had prior experience with SecUnits, and whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

Mensah stays cool under fire, staying at the heart of the discussion while taking everyone’s thoughts and feelings into account.  She keeps everyone directed, focused, and calm.  And then, when she is alone, she falls apart, slipping into a full-blown panic attack over almost losing Bharadwaj.  And honestly?  I love them giving her a panic disorder.  Giving a character a panic disorder while still showing that she is competent, a respected leader, and tries her damndest to push through the panic to reassure and care for her people is a lovely touch. 

With these three data points we actually get a good baseline for these characters in their element, out of their element, and in danger.  They already feel human and flawed, despite not knowing any of them deeply yet.  It also means that we’re already able to read more into their interactions than Murderbot is grasping quite yet.  After all, it’s not great at this social thing, and it REALLY doesn’t get them and their culture.

This gets highlighted when it has to come out and talk to the team out of its armor.  Again, Alexander Skarsgard does a fantastic job of radiating the incredible social anxiety of a being that would vastly prefer to only ever have to interact with other people safely behind a helmet.  Being so exposed, with its feet and its face and its hands all on gangly display in one of the crew jumpsuits, is so clearly an existential nightmare to it.  And the more most of the team try to thank it, welcome it, treat it like a person, the more uncomfortable it becomes.  The speech is hilarious, but also a great bit of disconnect between its social comfort zone and that of the Preservation team.  And in that moment, we realize that, even if some of them are trying to embrace it, to invite it to be more integrated with them, to give it a chance, they understand Muderbot as little as Murderbot understands them.

I have seen some people not liking part of this scene because Arada misgenders Murderbot by calling it ‘he’, but I think this is actually an important part of character building for her, Murderbot, and the story.  My guess is that the writers are going to Rule Of Threes Murderbot’s pronouns, as many viewers have likely never encountered someone who uses it/its pronouns.  This scene serves as the Introduction: Arada is well-meaning, but accidentally misgenders it because she is reacting to the face she saw (as many well-meaning people can do).  Gurathin immediately and vehemently corrects her … for the wrong reasons.  He’s thinking of their SecUnit as a malfunctioning piece of equipment, while Arada is thinking of it as a human, so he is dehumanizing it.  They are both wrong, but also both a bit right.  Arada is right that Murderbot is a person, but she is wrong in immediately defaulting to Human Male when she thinks of it.  Gurathin is right in that it has no interest in being human and is, in fact, quite attached to being a construct and having no gender, but he’s wrong in treating it as equipment.  I imagine that, per the Rule of Threes, this topic will be Reinforced later, and then Confirmed in a final scene so the audience learns its pronouns properly, even audience members who might initially struggle to use the right pronouns or do the same as Arada by seeing Alexander Skarsgard and making assumptions.

And speaking of assumptions, the audience also gets its first hint that perhaps ‘Murderbot’ wasn’t simply a cool name it plucked out of the aether, but ties much more intensely into the fragments of memories it has.  We find out that SecUnits are routinely memory wiped, but a few seconds of something awful have leaked through.  It sees people screaming, running, and dying, and it has the feeling it might be responsible.  And despite its general misanthrope, it doesn’t seem at all pleased by this memory.  If anything, it seems horrified.  It’s one thing to idly speculate about killing humans, but another to realize it might well have already done precisely what all the SecUnits on the entertainment feeds do: go crazy and kill all its clients.

Introducing that memory and then having a one-on-one with Mensah is an interesting choice, because it adds layers to the scene.  She is clearly trying to thank it again, maybe reach out, but she’s also trying to figure out what’s happening with her clearly incredibly anxious SecUnit.  It’s terrified she suspects it’s hacked its governor module, but it’s also afraid she’s getting attached, which could be worse.  After all, if it’s done something awful once, there’s nothing stopping it from doing so again. 

The memories keep playing even after she leaves, and it says the same line it lifted from ‘Sanctuary Moon’ to itself: “Stay calm; it’ll be okay.  You have my word.”  It’s honestly creepy, and it’s clearly meant for the audience to read this initially as a threat to the scientists.  But looking at it again, considering how traumatized it seems to be by this fragmented memory, the line takes on an almost self-soothing quality.  Is it speaking to the people in its memory?  The PresAux team?  Itself? 

The first episode does a workmanlike and occasionally inspired job of introducing us to all the things it needed to.  And for all that this first episode is fairly direct in its storytelling, I feel like there are layers that will feel deeper on future viewing after the whole season is out.

S1E2: ‘Eye Contact’

The second half of our introduction to this show had two major jobs: reinforce themes from the first episode, deepen character beats, and get us to the point where the plot kicks off.  The show does this by splitting the episode into two subplots that both kick off with the opening scene.

We open in the hopper, and it’s clear from the first scene that this episode will, at least in part, focus on better establishing and characterizing Gurathin.  I’m hoping each of the characters gets this treatment going forward, because I really have to commend the episode for how much we learn about him throughout.  There are a lot of layers at play, both in the writing of his character and in David Dastmalchian’s performance.  This is a guy with anxiety to rival Murderbot’s, even if he can cover it better.  He’s trying to keep their conversation out of its purview, because he doesn’t trust it.  He doesn’t trust anyone outside of this small friend group he’s got, and he especially doesn’t trust anything coming from the Company.  And even though the group thinks he’s being overly paranoid, it’s really nice to see how immediately they confirm that he has good reasons for not trusting the Company, and they all love him (and Ratthi calls him “Gugu”, which … chef’s kiss).  We now get our first big hint of what makes him the outsider of the group: he’s not originally from Preservation.  As we learn later, he’s almost certainly originally from the Corporation Rim, and whatever happened to him there has fucked him up badly.

Mensah once again comes in as the tempering force.  She mentions her conversation with SecUnit.  She wanted to see if she could trust it, and she FEELS like she can, but THINKS they should be cautious.  I like this slight change from the books, as all the Preservation natives feel the immediate desire to trust and befriend SecUnit, but in this they are a bit more cautious because they aren’t certain if they can trust anything supplied by the Company. 

I think this is the benefit of the visual medium expanding out the story.  After all, while the audience is able to hear all of Murderbot’s internal snark, they only get the anxiety-ridden, clearly atypical external SecUnit.  And even if some of them are now seeing it as a person, they are also seeing that it works for a deeply untrustworthy company that may or may not be deceiving them.  So with the information and experiences they currently have, Gurathin is making a reasonable argument for leaving the SecUnit behind. 

And from a storytelling perspective, it makes sense to leave it behind.  It would be easy for this episode to feel like it was retreading the worm incident from the first episode, but having Mensah and Bharadwaj decide to go alone to survey the blacked out area in the map makes the stakes very different. 

And speaking of, though we don’t get a lot of time with her, I am LOVING Bharadwaj.  The actress is hilarious, particularly when the character is clearly high as balls on stimulants and pain meds is just fantastic.  I also love her little moment later of academic one-upsmanship.  Having known so many academics in my life, that was the most real moment of academic bullshit so far.  I cackled!

Their plot is primarily used to reestablish Bharadwaj, and to get Mensah into a dangerous situation (and honestly, I don’t think she should have gone alone trying to climb a fucking mountain, but whatever).  She ends up having another panic attack, and it’s a good beat to see her trying to force her way through it.  She doesn’t want to let the team down.  Even while she’s spiraling she’s trying to be so supportive and encouraging to her team.  I like that she doesn’t handle this situation perfectly.  I like that she struggles and sort of fails, and still keeps pushing.  One of the things the show has been consistently good at is giving the characters very relatable flaws.  She takes her role so seriously she’s going to put herself through hell to see it done, all while trying to mask how bad it’s getting in front of the people she cares about.  This is a good way of reinforcing what we learned about her in the last episode, and setting up an emotional arc for her.

And speaking of setting up emotional arcs, let’s talk about Murderbot and Gurathin, or what I like to call The Best Scenes in the Show So Far Holy Shit.

The scenes between them function on so many levels: comedy, drama, character development, worldbuilding.  We have it all right here!  Major concepts that will be important later (ComfortUnits, Corporation Rim vs Preservation culture) are established quickly and with deliberate discomfort for both characters.  Gurathin weaponizes Murderbot’s deep discomfort with eye contact and social interaction to try to interrogate it and figure out what’s gone wrong, but it doesn’t really go the way either of them wants it to go, because both of them are socially awkward disasters; both of them have conflicting motivations and desires; both of them don’t understand one another and understand one another way, WAY too well.

This leads to scenes that can be interpreted on multiple levels, all while setting up some meaty stakes.  Both characters are trying to do multiple things at once, and it’s really fun to see how well or poorly they succeed.  Gurathin definitely set up the scene to be at least a bit intimidating … and promptly fumbles it when he realizes that his chair isn’t a swivel chair and he can’t turn and do a cool reveal, but instead drags it around, scraping along the floor.  And honestly, part of him not only can’t be intimidating, but doesn’t want to be.  Part of him wants to understand this incredibly awkward being he’s now sharing space with.  There is a weird earnestness, almost a stream-of-consciousness strangeness to the way Gurathin is written in this scene that I adore, and that David Dastmalchian absolutely nails.  He seems even weirder than Murderbot in his own way.

They’re both such messes, and both ready to needle the shit out of one another.  Gurathin, especially, is clearly trying to provoke reactions, to test boundaries.  It’s almost like he’s conducting a stress test on a computer system, but with a sentient being instead, and his life potentially on the line.  He questions Murderbot about its capacity for emotion, for connection, by comparing it to ComfortUnits, but because, again, this is an interrogation conducted by and to the two most cripplingly awkward beings on the hab, it half comes off like he’s hitting on it.

And then there’s the reason for the episode title, and something that is both a deeply dirty trick on Gurathin’s part, and an absolute red flag waved in front of a bull.  He orders (likely suspecting that this SecUnit might be capable of disobeying orders) that they maintain eye contact throughout this interaction. 

And I think that red flag in front of a bull is the other level he’s trying to work at in this scene.  This is a systems stress test, trying to tease out what is happening and where what he sees as a malfunction lies.  But he’s also painting himself as a target.  He’s pulling out every nasty trick in the book to make sure that, if this SecUnit really is rogue and really is going to go on a killing spree, it doesn’t go after anyone but him.  Because as was established in the opening scene: Gurathin may be a paranoid dick, but he loves his weird extrovert friends so, so deeply, and he would absolutely die to protect them.

Because Gurathin, above all things, needs to feel useful.

Murderbot is trying to dodge questions, trying not to give anything away.  It’s trying to bear up under the sheer painful amount of eye contact required, and it’s trying to get Gurathin back (you make me look you in the eye?  I’ll make you see your friends making out with one another!).  And the funniest thing is that they’re basically just inflicting on the other what they already find uncomfortable.  Again and again, they parallel one another.  It was established twice last episode and hammered home now.

And at the same time, there is a weirdly heart-to-heart quality to this interaction.  Because as much as Gurathin is trying to be a hardass, and as much as Murderbot is trying to shut this interaction down as quickly as possible, Gurathin is also just trying to understand, and Murderbot can’t help but explain itself a bit.  It’s the awful moment of sympathy with someone you loath because they’re far too much like you, but you just keep reaching out.  And that layer of earnestness, of accidental vulnerability on both of their parts, adds such a lovely, bizarre tinge of sweetness to what is otherwise a fairly brutal encounter for both of them.

The choices in this scene are what sold me on the show, from the storytelling to the writing to the performances.  The actors fucking kill this scene.  Alexander Skarsgard gets to do a lot of subtle facial expressions as the internal snarky narration struggles to emerge under its facade of calm, and its deep levels of social anxiety keep kneecapping it from fully extracting itself from the conversation or getting the upper hand.  And David Dastmalchian brings all the conflicting motivations, all the half-aborted gestures of hostility and kindness and awkwardness and paranoia through to make Gurathin feel desperately, earnestly human.  I really can’t say enough about their performances; they bounce off one another fantastically.

And of course, these two storylines dovetail at the end of the episode as Mensah finds the Alien Remnant (really cool use of visual effects there!), almost gets eaten by a worm, and everyone realizes that either the maps are glitching out due to the Remnants’ influence, or someone is deliberately hiding them.  They try to confer with the other survey team currently on the planet, a small group from a company called DeltFall, but something is wrong.  And as the episode closes with bodies strewn over the darkened DeltFall habitat, I think we’re about to see the plot kick into gear.

Conclusions

So, what did I think about the first two episodes overall?  They were solid.  I want more establishing time with quite a few of the characters (Bharadwaj, Ratthi, Pin-Lee, and Arada especially), but episode two in particular made me confident this show is going fun places.  Because the scenes between Murderbot and Gurathin were added for the show; this is new material, and it’s exactly the sort of thing I was hoping we would get from an adaptation.  Those scenes struck the perfect blend of humor and danger and sincerity and anger that I read in the books.  That was what convinced me that the show really could pull off something new and fun and fresh both as an adaptation of a series of books I enjoy, and as a piece of science fiction media that feels defiantly hopeful and colorful and weird in the face of a fairly bleak and depressing sci-fi television landscape. 

Like I said before, doing set-up episodes is incredibly hard to do gracefully in television, and doing sci-fi setup where you’re having to explain places, politics, and concepts as well as characters and situations, is even more challenging.  And you’ve got two half-hour time slots to do it in.  And with those limitations in mind, I feel like the show currently ranges from Gets-the-Job-Done-Inelegantly-but-Fine to Holy-Shit-I-Want-to-See-More-of-That-Right-Now. 

I want to get to know all these weirdos on the same intense level I now feel we know Murderbot and Gurathin, and I feel like we will.  Will it be the perfect show?  No.  It will not.  Have I still watched both of these episodes multiple times, and am I super excited to see DeltFall and how much things are about to go to shit?  Oh hell yes.  I am so excited!

So, yes.  There are my scattered thought about this adaptation, where it mostly succeeds and occasionally feels clunky.  The cast is charming and occasionally electric, and I am eager to see more.

[bitchinbarzal]

That’s What I Want | W Nylander

Inspired by “What I Want” by Morgan Wallen & Tate McRae

-

You tell him before the second drink.

“This doesn’t mean anything.”

Will just lifts his glass to his lips, eyes trained on you over the rim. He doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t smirk. Just nods once, like you’ve said something expected.

“I’m not looking for someone to fix me,” you add.

“Good,” he says. “Because I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

The bar is dim, the kind of Toronto hideout that lives between neon and shadows. His arm brushes yours when he leans back, loose and unbothered, like he doesn’t carry the weight of eyes on him everywhere else. Here, he’s just a guy with tired shoulders and a jaw that locks when he’s trying not to say too much.

You tilt your head. “You got trust issues too?”

He lets out a breath—something between a laugh and a sigh. “You wouldn’t believe.”

“So we’re a perfect disaster,” you say.

He grins. “Only stay a couple nights, then be gone in the morning?”

“That’s the deal.”

The first night is heat and tension, mouths meeting like secrets spilled too fast. You kiss like people who know better. Who’ve both had too many almosts and one-night maybes that clung a little too long.

When you slip out of bed to grab water, his voice stops you in the dark.

“You think everything you touch goes up in smoke?”

You pause, fingers curled around the fridge handle.

“Don’t you?”

His silence feels like agreement.

It becomes a rhythm. Not a relationship. Not even really a situationship. You don’t text much. He shows up at your door when the nights are too quiet and his own bed feels too honest. And you always let him in. Not because it means something. But because it doesn’t. Because you’re both the kind of people who say “this is all it is” and mean it—right up until you’re curled into each other’s spaces, breathing steady and soft, like the world outside doesn’t exist.

One night, after a win, he kisses you like someone who forgot the rules.

“You don’t want this heart,” you whisper into the collar of his shirt. “It’s already broke.”

He pulls back just enough to look at you.

“Baby,” he says, low and honest. “That’s what I want.”

Your laugh is sharp. “You’re insane.”

“Probably.”

“And a little bit reckless.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

You leave before dawn that time. No note. No goodbye. Just your perfume on his pillow and a cold side of the bed. You try to convince yourself it was always meant to fade.

But two nights later, when your phone buzzes at 11:43 p.m., and his name lights up the screen, you don’t hesitate. You answer. And you say it before he can.

“Yeah,” you breathe. “I know. That’s what you want.”

You weren’t supposed to linger. Not on his couch. Not in his shirt. Not in his life.

But somehow, your toothbrush is in his bathroom. Somehow, you know he takes his coffee black but adds sugar only after a bad game. Somehow, he knows your “I’m fine” means you’re one text from shattering.

And you both pretend it’s still casual. Still temporary. Still just what we want.

Until it’s not.

He starts coming over when he doesn’t want sex. Just company. You start staying even after the sun comes up. He makes pasta one night, barefoot and tired, and when you ask why, he says, “You looked hungry.” You’re in his hoodie. His playlist is on. There’s a candle burning you left behind last week. And for one terrifying second, it feels like home.

You try to ruin it first.

“I’m not the kind of girl you bring home,” you say one night.

“I don’t bring people home.”

“You shouldn’t bring me home.”

He shrugs, like it’s already too late. “You’re already here.”

Then he gets injured. Not serious. But enough to be out for a few games. You expect to hear about it on the news. Instead, you’re the one he texts first.

You rush over without thinking, half-pissed he asked. Half-terrified he didn’t ask sooner. You find him on the couch, ice pack on his ankle, remote in hand.

He looks up. “You came.”

You drop your bag. “Yeah. Of course.”

The scariest moment isn’t when he touches you. It’s when he doesn’t. When he falls asleep with your head on his chest. When his fingers trace lazy circles on your back under the blanket. When he whispers, just before drifting off, “You know I’d never let you burn alone.”

You freeze. Eyes wide in the dark. Heart doing that thing it shouldn’t.

Because suddenly it’s not what you want anymore.

It’s who.

You wake up early. He’s still asleep, hair a mess, lips parted, breathing steady. You stare too long. Stay too long.

When you finally shift to leave, his hand finds yours without opening his eyes.

“Stay.”

And for the first time in a long, long time—you do.

It’s been six months.

Six months of everything and nothing. Of brushing hands and brushing it off. Of falling asleep in his bed but never calling it “ours.” Of acting like you’re still not in too deep.

You both keep pretending. Even when he kisses your forehead instead of your mouth. Even when you miss him when he’s gone. Even when you stop seeing other people without even realizing you had.

The moment it breaks isn’t soft. It’s messy. Like it always was going to be.

It starts when he sees you talking to someone else at a post-game bar. Some guy. Laughing too loud, standing too close. You catch Will’s stare across the room—cool, unreadable.

Later, he doesn’t say a word. Not until the car ride home.

Then: “Is that what you want?”

You frown. “What?”

“Guys like that. Smiling like idiots. Acting like they’ve got a shot.”

You glare. “You don’t get to be jealous. That wasn’t the deal.”

“Yeah?” he snaps. “Maybe I’m sick of the fucking deal.”

It’s quiet. Just the sound of your own breath and the tension clawing at your ribs.

“I never asked you for more,” you whisper.

“And maybe I wanted you to,” he fires back.

Silence. Raw. Exposed.

You stare at him, throat tight. “Why didn’t you say something?”

He doesn’t flinch this time. Just leans forward, voice low and wrecked.

“Because you said you were broken. And I was scared if I said it out loud, you’d run.”

You blink. “Say what?”

“That I want you. Not for a night. Not for a warm body in the dark. You.”

Your heart punches your ribs. “Will—”

“I don’t care if you’re a mess,” he says, louder now. “I like the mess. I like you when you’re falling apart and when you’re happy and when you leave your shit all over my place and act like it’s not yours.”

You’re already crying. Stupid, hot, unstoppable tears.

“And maybe I’ve been falling in love with you since the second you told me not to.”

You don’t say anything. You can’t.

So you grab his face and kiss him like it’s the first time. Like you never meant to feel this much, but you do anyway. Like all those nights pretending it didn’t matter were just a slow build to this one.

And when you finally pull away, breathless, he whispers

“That’s what I want.”

[tojisteddy]

how would Simon react if you safeworded out?

would he be gruff but still sweet and soft and apologetic? would he fuss over you or play it cool while taking care of you? (“oh, lovey im so sorry…” or “its alright, thank you for telling me, i wont push you so far next time, kiddo…”)

why would blackcat!reader safeword out? stress? just not feeling it? maybe emotional?

I think there are two things in this world that Simon Riley is (and always will be) very serious about and that’s aftercare and your safety.

Like yeah he’s an asshole and gruff guy but when it comes to you, he really is a big softie at heart. So when he tells you off when you get back after not texting him back all night or gently making sure you walk on the inside of the street when your with him, it’s for good reason, he’s showing he cares. He loves you to pieces. Will do any and everything for you. So if he’s pushed too far, he makes mental note of it. And if he wants to push that far again, he’ll end up doing a check. Making sure you know your safeword, or right before he knows you’ll ‘give’ he’ll tap you out himself.

So when he hears you say the safeword, he doesn’t hesitate. He knows the first thing you need is comfort and reassurance. So he pulls out, and holds you in his big arms. Kisses you all over while you cry, getting you to calm down and listen to his words because he means them, truly.

“Simon was too mean, yeah? I Shouldn’t ‘ve pushed you like that, doll.”

“Dad’s sorry kitty, you were perfect, did everything I said so well. Always so good f’me.”

And if you refute his words, too in your own head, he’ll hold you just a little tighter. So you can hear his heartbeat, rocking you in his arms,

“You’ll never be the one at fault baby, ‘ts on me. My job to watch over you, right kiddo? Thanks for tellin me Princess, love you so much.”

Blackcat!reader would safeword out from stress or better yet, Simon just instinctively knows you’re off. Sad to say but I think blackcat!reader has been through a shit ton and can be pushed (and has found comfort in Simon pushing you to the limit). You’re the type to hold shit in like a tower until someone knocks it all over. let’s say a day where the cards just were not in your favor. It was terrible day at work and both of your dogs were acting up when you got home and you yelled at Simon, like really yelled at him (which is something neither of you do). Simon would be 10 spanks to thirty and either you grip at shirt and tell him you ‘give’ already sniffling or he notices you’re not crying. You’re just trembling, taking everything he’s giving you. And Simon will sit up you, ask you what’s wrong and then the dam in your eyes just breaks.

Choking on your own sobs,

“Pa I- I-“ boo-hoo, snot everywhere, clutching onto him, balling your eyes out till their puffy.

Simon doesn’t hesitate to pick you up, he lets out a soft sigh in his head because he hates to see you like this. And he hated that he always has to be the one to push you to cry (of all people). But he’s working on it, working on getting you to communicate and doing so makes him want to get better at communicating for himself too. He wants to be his best for you.

He coos, “Let’s give the princess a bath, hm kitten? Gonna get ya nice ‘nd clean ‘nd then get you in bed with that little Sanrio rabbit. Then we can talk tomorrow.”

You nod, taking a shaky breath followed by a hiccup. You manage to squeak out a ‘sorry’ halfway through the bath, and that’s when Simon gets playful, he boop your nose or tickles right under your chin making you squirm.

“What’s there to apologize for? Used your safeword like the big girl I know you are. Couldn’t be more proud ‘f you honey.”

He’ll nibble at your jaw and rest his head atop of yours while he rubs your back after getting you in bed.

“Just a bad day gorgeous, you’re not bad. Tomorrow’ll be better.”

a/n: I think crybaby, feenin & a little comfort are like prime examples too. Thank you so much for asking anon!!! I fuckin love with ppl ask questions!!

𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱<3: @bruisedfig @tessakate @sevikasblackgf @mocha-the-muse @nightfwn @mims900

most recent masterlist

[sourle]

Imagine reader who likes to listen to people yap about their life but their only friend is Taph so they tried to be the one talking but fumbled badly [they suddebnly forgot everythibg that has ever happened in their life]

Yappology

Lalalalala|Okokokokok

WARNINGS: NONE

Note: Taph milestones when

You sat next to him in the boot in the restaurant like dining area, talking about your last round to him before in turns to you explaining how your gui used to work. using the paper on your clipboard to draw what you gui used to look like. You still can't remember what happens to your gui before being forsaken. You know it's still there with you, yet you don't have the guts to show it off.

Taph would just listen, nodding or shaking his head whenever you asks a yes or no question. His hand mindlessly draw on the blank paper on your clipboard. "So.. yeah, that how it used to work.. Oh and It also able to merge with my body, I think. I can also morph into anything I want! Fictions too, as long as I know what they look like."

Taph nods, his hand fiddling with the pink crayon in his hand. "OH! I've been meaning to ask, how does your subspace works? Did you make it yourself? Invent it?.. Does it really explode even with a small poke?"

Taph paused, staring at your curios expression. He just slowly nods, raising his hands to answer all your questions with hand signs. Occasionally he would freeze before continuing to sign a bit faster. He got a bit nervous due to your intense gaze at him and his hands. Slowly his hands moves a bit faster. You can't understand all of it due to his hands blurring to the quick motion.

"Hey Taph- Y.. You don't have to tell me all!" You placed a hand against his trembling one, he seems nervous since he's not one to ramble or talk a lot, you can guess why.

Taph nods, his hand slowly rising.

"Got more room for one more?"

You scream as Chance jumps at both you and Taph once more.

[honeyscara]

Chapter 4

Seongje love masterlist | whc masterlist

Prev chapter | next chapter

After everything that happened earlier, the rest of the school day passed in a daze. You couldn’t stop replaying the scene—Seongje storming into that classroom like a force of nature, his anger, the way he didn’t even hesitate to defend you.

When the final bell rang, you packed up slowly, unsure of what to expect. But as you stepped out the school gates, he was already leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, waiting for you.

“You coming or what?” he asked with a casual tilt of his head.

You raised an eyebrow. “Coming where?”

He just smirked. “You’ll see.”

A short walk later, you found yourself in a dim, neon-lit underground gaming area—walls plastered with posters, the clatter of arcade machines and clicking of buttons echoing around. The glow from the monitors lit up Seongje’s face in flashes of color as he stepped inside like he owned the place.

You followed, half-curious, half-nervous. “You hang out here?”

“Sometimes,” he said, leading you to the back where a row of racing games stood. “Helps me not punch things when I’m pissed.”

You gave him a sideways look. “So this is... anger management?”

“Something like that.” He shot you a glance, a rare flicker of apology in his expression. “Didn’t mean to drag you into all that earlier. But if I didn’t deal with them, they’d think it was okay to pull that stunt again.”

You sat down on the second racing machine, gripping the wheel. “I didn’t ask you to fight for me.”

“I know,” he said, sliding into the seat next to you. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t.”

You didn’t say anything right away. The game countdown started, the screen flashing 3... 2... 1... and then you both hit the gas.

“You always this intense with people who tell you no?” you muttered as you drifted around the first corner.

Seongje laughed, eyes locked on the screen. “Only when i like them.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile that tugged at your lips.

The race ended with you barely beating him. He stared at the screen like it personally offended him, then turned to you with narrowed eyes. “You cheated.”

“I’m just better.”

He leaned closer, one arm resting on the back of your seat. “Dangerous and cocky. You’re gonna be trouble.”

Your heart thudded in your chest—but you held your ground, locking eyes with him. “You started it.”

For a second, the teasing smile dropped into something more softer. Like he was genuinely enjoying spending time with you.

“I wasn’t lying you know,” he said quietly. “You really do interest me.”

You looked away, flustered but trying not to show it. “You say that like it’s a good thing.”

“It is,” he replied, standing up and stretching. “For me. Might be a pain in the ass for you, though.”

You followed him to the snack machines, still trying to process everything. “So what now?”

He handed you a can of soda, cracking one open for himself. “Now?” He glanced at you sideways. “You owe me a rematch.”

The arcade buzzed with life, a low thrum of energy pulsing through the neon-lit space. You and Seongje bounced from game to game—racing, shooting, even a claw machine where he stubbornly tried (and failed) to win a stuffed bear, muttering curses under his breath every time the claw slipped.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his frustration, which only made him glare at you playfully.

“You try then,” he challenged, stepping aside.

You took the controls and, after two tries, managed to snag a small plush keychain. Holding it up triumphantly, you gave him a smug look.

“Beginner’s luck,” he scoffed, but he didn’t hide his grin. “Guess I gotta keep you around for competitions.”

Time blurred as the two of you moved through the arcade, the air between you easing—less tension, more banter. For a while, it almost felt normal. Like he wasn’t the infamous Seongje from the Union, and you weren’t the girl who recorded his gang beating someone up. Just two teens wasting time, forgetting the weight of the world outside.

Eventually, you stepped out into the cool evening air. The sun had dipped low, casting the streets in warm hues. You walked side by side, your bag slung lazily over your shoulder, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Neither of you spoke at first.

Then Seongje broke the silence.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, voice lower now—less cocky, more honest. “About leaving the Union.”

You blinked, stopping in your tracks slightly before catching up again. “Wait, what?”

He glanced sideways at you. “I didn’t say I will, but... I think about it.”

“Why? Isn’t it everything you’ve worked for?”

You looked at him, really looked, and realized that for once, the sharp edges around him seemed a little duller. There was a tiredness beneath the bravado—a quiet weight in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” he added, voice softer.

You swallowed, unsure how to respond at first. “Would they let you go?”

He gave a dry laugh. “No one leaves clean. But I’m not scared of them. I’m just..tired.”

But the truth was, he was scared—just not of them. He was scared of you getting dragged into it, of your hands getting stained by the same mess he was drowning in. He had done a lot of things without regret or for fun, but if something ever touched you because of him… that was the one thing he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for.

“You’re more human than I thought,” you said quietly, nudging his arm.

“Don’t spread that around,” he smirked, regaining a bit of his usual attitude. “Gotta keep up my image.”

You both laughed, the tension lifting a little.

As your house came into view, he slowed to a stop. “You should get inside. It’s getting late.”

You hesitated. “Seongje... thanks for today..”

He looked at you, really looked, something flickering behind his eyes.

“ah don't thank me, you make me seem like I'm a good guy,” he said, then turned to walk off, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.You watched him go, wondering just how deep the cracks in his armor ran.

Tag: @gacktsa